I'm more spiritual, but I do pray. I pray often, and life continues to keep me humble. I know it seems cliche and dated, but sometimes you really have to let go and let God. Or give it to any Spirit, or even Mother Nature. Adulting can be hard, and we're not always going to get it right. For some reason in my 30's it seems there is some imaginary boundary that floats around me, screaming at me not to screw things up. There is some imaginary code that says our margin of error has diminished into almost nothing. Remember when there was less consequences when you were in your 20's? You could mess up big time, but you could always bounce back. The best part? You could almost bounce back at your own pace. Now? It feels like if I realize the screw up, I need to fix it right then and there, or even sometimes catch it before it even happens.
You really do have to make silent moves, or those around will mess everything up. Even family. Even close family. With the news I have, I should be happy. I am happy, but I am also filled with so much dread. I'm both anxious and excited, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have looked to BOTH of my parents for guidance, and it's been crickets. I'm all alone in this new beginning chapter. But that's OK, because I got this.
You may be going through it, might even feel like there is no end to the suffering. There is. It's coming. You just have to remain steadfast and keep pushing. Everything is but a season.